Ever find yourself thinking about the crests from Digimon? Each character's 
digital monster can't evolve into its higher form unless the kid displays the 
emotion on his or her crest. For example, Matt (Yamato in Japan) can't make 
his Digimon digivolve unless he takes part in an act of friendship, because he has 
the crest of Friendship. If he acts all mushy and brotherly with Ty (Taichi in 
Japan), his Friendship crest will glow and his monster will morph. Each kid has a 
different emotion on his or her crest, like Courage, Hope, etc. Sounds easy enough, 
right?

Don't you see the possibilities for the humor?

*Uh...You Can Have the Crest Back - A Digimon Spoof*
By: Lianne Sentar (liannesentar@hotmail.com)
http://members.tripod.com/~Lianne_Sentar/
Rated: PG-13. All for comedy, you realize.

	Izzy stared at his laptop screen, eyes hard. His gloved fingers curled around 
the keyboard and tightened slowly.
	"We're doomed," he murmured, voice low.
	Ty whipped to the red-headed midget. "No!" he cried, grabbing 
Izzy's shoulder. "Not again! What is it, a ninth Digidestined, more Dark Masters, 
our Digimon doomed to turn on us and feast on our dead flesh in a sick display of 
monster superiority?"
	"Worse." Izzy closed his eyes and clenched his teeth. "We're all fired."
	"WHAT?!"
	TK began to cry. "What'll I do?" he sobbed. "I'm still $5 K in the hole! The 
loansharks are gonna break my legs!"
	"And there's no way I can get any other job with a cowgirl-like fashion sense like 
mine!" Mimi clasped her hands in front of her chest. "Izzy, why on Earth are we fired?"
	Izzy's laptop beeped, and the screen filled up with the ominous silhouette of THE 
BOSS. Evil, threatening music started up on Izzy's computer MP3 player. It sounded 
oddly like the Ranma 1st series closing theme.
	"I'll answer that," THE BOSS snapped. "Our ratings are dropping by the day. You 
kids are too friggin' childish!"
	"That's a bit redundant, isn't it?"
	"No pension for you, Joe."
	Joe wailed and covered his face. "Oh, why can't I ever shut up?"
	Sora scratched her head. "But this is a children's show. Aren't we just doing what 
we're supposed to?"
	"No. We need a wider audience. Pokemon is killing you guys." THE BOSS 
pointed a shadowed finger menacingly. "Unless you're willing to make some changes."
	Kari sat up. "Does that mean we won't be fired?"
	"Only if you take my orders and don't talk back."
	Ty jumped up and down. "Yes!" he shouted at the computer. "Whatever you 
want! Just say the word! I'll even kiss Mimi if that's what you need!"
	Mimi scowled. "Thanks, Ty. You're a pal."
	"Fine, then." THE BOSS waved his hand, and a pile of stuff landed in the middle 
of the group of Digidestined. "This will be a start. Everything is marked with name tags, 
so collect your things now."
	Matt blinked and picked up a pair of boxers with pictures of MetalGarurumon all 
over it. "What's this?" he asked, fingering his name tag. "I don't need these."
	"You will now." THE BOSS crossed his arms. "You apparently haven't been 
online lately. As the resident bishounen of the show, you have the most fangirl pages."
	Ty scowled. "You're *kidding* me. Matt? But he's a jerk!"
	Matt slapped Ty upside the head.
	"The girls like it, don't ask me why." THE BOSS humphed. "But we need the 
girls to stay interested. You gotta flash a little more skin, kid."
	Matt turned pale. "What?" he asked. "The sleeveless isn't enough?"
	"Not anymore. Put on the boxers, Matt, 'cause that's all you'll be wearing from 
now on."
	Matt's jaw dropped. "That's gotta be illegal!"
	"The boxers go to your knees, punk. You're not showing anything important. 
Now strip."
	"Why? How can they be interested? I'm 12 years old! I haven't even hit puberty 
yet!"
	"That's another thing. You have until the end of the year for that, or you really 
*are* fired. Can't disappoint half our audience."
	Matt started to cry.
	"Oh, and you'll be having an illicit affair with Kari from now on."
	That one made everyone blanch. "WHAT?!"
	"You never watch soap operas, do you? The older fans love backstabbing." THE 
BOSS pointed. "Ty, when you find out, you go on a killing spree of cute fluffy animals, 
then begin a self-destructive tour of all the bars in town."
	Ty ran to the laptop and grabbed it with both hands. "No way!" he shouted. "I 
can't drink alcohol!"
	Matt knocked him over and took his place in front of the screen. "We can't have 
an affair! Kari's, like, 8!"
	"Fine. You don't have to do it." THE BOSS suddenly raised from the silhouette of 
his chair, his hands palms-down on his desk. "I can see you two want to go back to your 
OLD jobs, don't you!"
	Matt turned paler.
	"That's right. Don't miss the circus, do you, Matt?"
	Matt turned his head. Slowly, defeatedly, he slumped to the grass. 
	"I thought as much." THE BOSS sat down again. "Now, when Ty finally goes 
after Matt, the two get in a violent, blood-drawing fist fight that lasts between 20 and 30 
minutes. Ty will have a broken beer bottle, so you'd better make sure you don't get scars, 
Matt. Don't forget the girls."
	Matt wept unashamedly. Kari considered going to console him, then remembered 
THE BOSS's words. She decided against getting anywhere near him. In fact, she took a 
few steps back.
	"Now, Sora."
	Sora gulped.
	"You don't have a big enough part in the show. Since you're the tough girl, we're 
gonna switch you to the warrior princess-type. Your armor should be in the pile. I want 
you slapping around the male characters with your Sword of Female Superiority at any 
available chance. Particularly Matt." THE BOSS nodded. "Yes, the girls will love that. 
And Mimi, from now on, you and Izzy are a couple. We needs lots of on-screen kissing."
	"NO!" the two shouted in unison.
	"Joe, you're getting a brain tumor. You'll hit comatose form within 2 episodes, 
and from there on you'll mumble damaging secrets about the other characters to the shifty 
nurse. She'll spread the dirt around town and get the characters in trouble. Particularly 
Matt."
	Matt wailed. "God, tell me this isn't happening!"
	"TK, when you find out about Matt's immoral practices and disgusting past, that, 
combined with your parents' divorce, will drive you to insanity. You'll have to scream a 
lot and hit things. Oh, and get to used to shrieking, 'I have no brother.' You'll be using 
that a lot."
	Sora sighed. "Is there any *good* news?"
	"No. You all get new crests, too."
	Izzy looked at his crest. "What's wrong with the ones we have now?"
	THE BOSS snorted. "Gimme a break. Crest of Sincerity? Reliability? 
Knowledge? Those are too corny. We may give you each a couple different crests, just to 
keep things moving."
	Matt picked up his new tag. He gasped. "Crest of Backstabbing?"
	"Right. Shouldn't be hard for *you* to get your monster to Digivolve."
	Sora picked up her tag. "Crest of Dishonesty?"
	"Crest of Intoxication." Izzy made a face. "Oh boy."
	"Crest of Blackmail."
	"Crest of Unprovoked Violence."
	"Crest of Inappropriate Cursing."
	Joe sobbed. "How come *I* get the Crest of Nudity?"
	"Shut up!" THE BOSS crossed his arms. "Go over your scripts, kids. We start 
filming the new season in an hour. Oh, and the fans can't remember all the names of your 
Digimon, so we'll be changing their names to ones easier to remember." With that, the 
screen blinked off, and THE BOSS's image disappeared.
	Ty sighed and looked down at his Crest of Unpleasant Skin Rash. He rubbed his 
teary eyes. "Life isn't fair," he mumbled.

	"Episode 7, Scene 6, Take 3!" THE BOSS, sitting in the director's seat, rapped his 
Stick Of Discipline. "Action!"
	A shirtless and stubbly-chinned Ty threw aside an empty bottle of liquor and 
wiped the foam from his mouth. "You!" he screamed, flicking out his switch blade. "You 
$%#@$ing $%#*! How dare you have my sister!"
	Matt, decked out in his boxers and with Kari's lipstick all over his face, shrugged. 
"Get a life," he said in a bored voice, kicking a stone. The Crest of Indifference glowed 
around his neck, and his Digimon warp-Digivolved from Giant Pastel Malted Milk Ball 
With Horn to Wolf Robot With Knives Sticking From The Back And Rocket Launchers 
Mounted On The Shoulders.
	Ty snarled. "You'll pay, #%^&!" He ran off and started jabbing his knife into a 
500-year-old tree with a plaque on it. His Crest of Nature Abuse lit up and warp-
Digivolved his monster from Marshmallow With Ears to Tyrannosaurus With Wings And 
Armor And A Much Deeper Voice.
	Izzy stopped passionately kissing Mimi and turned to Matt. "I'll help you out," the 
midget said. "I have to help defend immoral love!" With that, Izzy started spitting 
obscene things at Mimi. His Crest of Chauvinism started to glow.
	Ty jumped on Matt, and the two rolled along the ground as their Digimon shot 
rockets and lasers at each other. TK ran up, asking if he could "get a piece."
	"BOSS?"
	THE BOSS turned to the Corporate Ratings Manager. "What?"
	"Our ratings are skyrocketing. Last week's episode with Sora kung-fu-ing that bar 
full of sleezeballs did better than every episode of 90210 combined." He gave a thumbs-
up. "Keep it coming! Oh, and the fans said they wanted more police car chases. The vote 
was a landslide in favor of Matt being on run from the law."
	"Can do."
	The manager left, and THE BOSS watched the continuation of Ty and Matt's 
fight. Ty had managed to get on Matt's back, and he jammed his foot into the bishounen's 
shoulder blade while pulling up his blond head by the hair. Matt cursed and grabbed a 
fistful of dirt, then threw it backwards into Ty's face. As they rolled apart, gasping, their 
Digimon started hurling pieces of nearby buildings at each other.
	"Cut!" THE BOSS waved his Stick of Discipline. "That'll do for now. Good take, 
kids."
	Ty and Matt collapsed to the ground. Both Izzy and Mimi started spitting and 
rubbing their mouths, and TK curled up in a ball and sobbed.
	THE BOSS stood. "Take five. Ty, I want to see more stubble on your chin when 
you come back. Matt, come here so you can get your hair fixed. Izzy, Mimi, more 
kissing."
	Izzy fell to his knees and clasped his hands together. "Please!" he pleaded. 
"BOSS, let *me* be the one in the coma!"
	Ty sucked in breaths, covering his tired face with a hand. "This is the worst," he 
moaned. "I'd almost wanna go back to my old job."
	Matt reached for his shirt to wipe the sweat from his face, then remembered he 
had no shirt. He settled for the back of his arm. "What was your old job?"
	Ty sighed. "Mucked city sewers."
	"Hard to think that's much worse than this."
	"Yeah."
	THE BOSS rapped his Stick. "Boys, get over here! I need to talk to you about 
next week's script. Ty, you're going to develop a gambling addiction. Matt, haven't 
decided why yet, but you'll be dressed like a girl. Izzy won't recognize you, so he'll 
develop a romantic interest in you."
	Ty and Matt groaned.
	 "And Mimi, you're going to get killed."
	Mimi whipped around. "WHAT?"
	"Don't look so surprised. You were getting tired, anyway."
	Ty slapped a hand to his forehead. "Lucky," he muttered.

	Morals of the story:

-If you're a bishounen, you're going to suffer.

-If you're the Annoying Anime Female, expect to be killed; if not on the set, then out on 
the street.

-If you're an actor, never work for Fox.
	
Thank you to Becca for helping me come up with this. ^_^

*Digimon and all its characters are copyright someone else, and I don't claim to own it or 
Fox. This story is Copyright © Lianne Sentar, April 2000.